The State Funeral of Her Majesty The Queen will take place at Westminster Abbey on Monday with a guest list of 2,000 people, including Royals, celebrities and world leaders.
Queen Elizabeth II was a pillar of strength who reigned for 70 years with grace, dignity and warmth. The outpouring of grief since her death has played out in poignant scenes in the United Kingdom and across the world.
By their very nature, funerals are emotionally charged occasions that call for a compassionate and sensitive approach to etiquette. If you are attending a funeral, here are some etiquette tips to bear in mind:
Unlike the Queen’s State Funeral, you do not need an invitation to attend most funerals and often a big turnout can be a source of comfort to the bereaved family. However, some families prefer to keep funerals private with invited guests only so it is always best to double check with a family member before turning up.
Aim to arrive at the venue at least 10-20 minutes before the start time as latecomers will add to the stress for the bereaved family. Take your seat promptly and turn off your phone for the duration of the service.
Do not talk, eat or drink during the ceremony and show your respect by listening attentively and following any instructions to stand, sing or kneel.
Avoid platitudes such as ‘He’s in a better place’ and ‘I know how you feel’, and under no circumstances should you ask how the person died.
If you are struggling for the right words, stick to phrases like ‘I am sorry for loss’ or ‘You are in my thoughts’. At times like these, actions speak louder than words, and a smile and a hug will go a long way toward conveying your feelings.
Do not sit in the front row unless you are part of the immediate family or a close friend, who has been invited to sit there. On the other hand, avoid sitting too far back if it is a small funeral or a particularly large venue.
At traditional church funerals guests usually take their seats before the coffin arrives, but customs may vary so make sure you follow the instructions given on the day.
It is important to find out the bereaved family’s wishes before you organise for flowers to be sent. If flowers are welcomed, it is usually best to send them to the funeral directors before the service on the day of the funeral rather than bringing them to the venue.
These days, many people request charity donations in lieu of flowers. There is no set amount but it is customary to donate a sum that is at least what you would have spent on flowers.
Do not bring babies or young children to a funeral unless you have checked with the organiser first. You may also prefer to sit near the exit so you can easily leave the service if your child becomes unsettled. Older children are usually welcome but it advisable to speak to the child beforehand so they know what to expect.
Traditionally black is worn at funerals and men typically wear dark-coloured suits with a collared shirt, black tie and smart shoes. Women usually opt for dark-coloured dresses or suits with smart shoes and a jacket if required.
However, some families specifically request that black should not be worn or ask guests to wear a specific colour so do check beforehand.
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